Sometimes I’m not sure if things were better said than unsaid. “Life is short” is not a good enough excuse to look at life on the surface…
Life is unfair and complicated enough. Why complicate it more with assumptions and your own selfish needs? What ever happens will fall apart or fall together. There is a reason for everything, is it not?
I have not lost faith. TWENTY-THIRTEEN HERE I COME. …self control, discipline, and motivational drive is all here for me to achieve my ultimate goals. I AM happy. I will stay happy. Forever will make happiness.
I WISH ALL MY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND EVERYONE A HAPPY 2013 YEAR! Don’t be the same, be BETTER THAN EVER!!
Once in while, I feel my pulse beating, beating to the second. Once my pulse rate stops, my time ends then and there. I feel as though, I can hear the second hand ticking through my pulse rate.
I will beat the time. I challenge time by living to 108 years old in good health. Also, living my age and being young with my own sense of boundaries, I still can have the fun of my life. This is where my self control is put on to the spotlight.
Everyday I have a gun triggered at my head for every single thing I do.
It’s literally not a gun, but worse than a gun.
A real gun can go off, and shoot you right then and there.
The gun pointed at me at every given second when I am awake, is pressure,
anger, tension, madness, yelling, and all these negative energy, and words put into your mouth, and assumptions that are not even correct. All of these unnecessary things and not pointed at me by myself but by my own dad.
One day that gun will go off and my soul will slowly diminish and die off. It has reach my limit. It triggers me to run off, to do the unthinkable, to find a safe heaven.
The nearest safe heaven would be love-a relationship. In fact, I might be wrong. I am feeling unstable at the moment.
It’s so painful, I can’t bare much. Is this my choice of the present? Everyone tells me another reason and opinion. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t need people’s sympathy, I don’t need people judging me. I just need a shoulder, I need laughter, I need ….. to preserve my happiness. I need to smile and be happy with ease and not by force.
One day, the gun will go off. My soul will disappear into the air.